Why does Jesus appear to be nothing more than a dirtbag, underachieving socialist to me but not others?

Constantly yapping about how rich people have virtually no chance of getting into Heaven, telling people to give up all their possessions and follow him as though they were children, walking around wearing rags, giving out free health care to losers who couldn't afford a doctor, not getting any women, not owning any property, condemning people who worked for a living like the money changers in the Temple. This guy was a loser. If I am going to follow someone's example, it would be someone who used his brains to get ahead and insure economic security for his descendants: J. Pierpont Morgan, the Vanderbilts, the Astors, Andrew Carnegie, the Rockefellers. Seriously, who in his right mind would follow a dude in rags with no women telling them to give up everything. Anybody who calls himself a conservative and follows this liberal hippy socialist is a fraud ---a true conservative keeps what he has worked for and doesn't cry out to change a system if it's a beneficial system. Jesus belongs at Berkeley along with the other underachieving, left-of-center, hygienically challenged do0she bags. If you want riches, follow Donald Trump, not this guy who belongs with Pelosi and the rest of the "give up your riches crowd."