Can you rate this poem out of 10... what do you understand from this?

I don't intend to sound mean, but I would give you a 5. You have a theme and idea, and some fair images, but it's much too wordy and not condensed or concise enough to really tell the reader where you are going. Don't be afraid of a short, or even one word sentence. Poetry does not require complete. You are painting a picture with words. Be sparing.